Tue 28 Nov 2006
“Christian-ese” and the Why Behind Divorce
Posted by Brent under Christian Living , Family , Scripture
One of the things about being a Christian for any period of time is that you soon notice the use of “Christian-ese.” Others have occassionally referred to this phenomenon as “Bible speak.” Christians develop certain vocabulary items. Sometimes these items will be reserved for conversations with other Christians, but others are used more broadly.
Sadly, when one probes these issues, it quickly becomes apparent that many Christians use certain phrases without ever completely understanding what they mean. While this is certainly not a problem specific to Christians, it is nonetheless, disconcerting.
It becomes even more troublesome when some of these phrases actually flag the tip of the iceberg for very large cultural issues. With all of the talk recently about family values and seeking to narrow the definition of marriage, one of those phrases has become “God hates divorce.”
It’s common to hear this sentiment from well-meaning people trying to protect marriage. The problem is that it is simply given as a reason in and of itself without ever considering to ask why God hates divorce. The sentiment is particularly drawn from Malachi 2:16, which, in the NIV and the NASB among others, reads:
“I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel, “and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,” says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith (NIV).
There is some textual debate concerning whether this is the correct rendering. For example, the ESV translates it as:
“For the man who hates and divorces, says the LORD, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless. (ESV).
Regardless of the exact translation, there does seem to be enough Scriptural material to assert that God does indeed hate divorce. Considering a broad overview, we see from the beginning that it was God who instituted marriage, noting that it is not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18) and that He would create for the man a “helper fit for him.” Paul gives specific directives about the role of husband and wife, giving the startling truth that marriage is ultimately a picture of the relationship between Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:22-33). Jesus goes so far as to say that the only reason divorce has ever been allowed was because of “hardness of heart” (Matthew 19).
When prompted to think about God’s attitude about divorce, most people, if they have thought about it at all, will go so far as to note that it is a God-ordained institution. Others might go so far as to note the deeper meaning of Chirst and the Church, but the more I’ve thought about this, I think there is still a deeper reason why God might actually “hate divorce,” and the answer is found in what might seem to be an unexpected place, the third commandment (Exodus 20:7):
You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain, for the LORD will not hold him guiltless who takes his name in vain.
Most take this commandment to mean that we should refrain from using God’s name in swearing. It certainly means that, but it means much more than that as well. We too quickly forget that the original context more likely had in mind oaths and vows. Many had come to swear by God as a surety for their agreements. Calvin’s treatment famously remarks:
The Third Commandment enjoins three things: 1) That whatever our mind conceives, or our tongue utters, may have a regard to the majesty of God; 2) That we may not rashly abuse his holy word and adorable mysteries for the purposes of ambition or avarice; 3) That we may not throw obloquy on his works, but may speak of them with commendatians of his Wisdom, Long-suffering, Power, Goodness, Justice. With these is contrasted a threefold profanation of the name of God, by perjury, unnecessary oaths, and idolatrous rites; that is, when we substitute in the place of God saints, or creatures animate or inanimate.
Divorce is nothing less than the breaking of a covenant, a God-ordained covenant. By participating in marriage, we are, in fact participating in an oath, the breaking of which is not only a sin but taking the Lord’s name in vain. The fact that we do not think of marriage as serious is a stark reminder of not only how low our view of oaths has come but more importantly, our view of God.
I wonder how many well-intentioned Christians really understand the seriousness of divorce. Some surveys suggest that Christians in fact do not understand the serious nature of divorce, arguing that divorce rates within and outside of the church are no different (Barna). For many, we have a continued failure to understand God’s rule over and role in every area of life, which we must recapture if we are to ever really understand “family values.”
- Read The Institutes of the Christian Religion by John Calvin
on 28 Nov 2006 at 2:55 pm 1.SolShine7 said …
That’s an interesting take on divorce. The sad thing is that we’ve become a society of promise-breakers. It’s widely accepted to not live up to the vows you make.
Your last line says it very nicely, I strongly agree with that. I constantly have to remind myself of his “rule” and “role” in my life. He’s the center not the edge.
on 28 Nov 2006 at 9:55 pm 2.proverbs31 said …
I like that, the connection to the 3rd commandment. It’s true, we say God joined us together, we say we are making a covenant with and in front of God, so to break it up would be to break that covenant. You know it’s also prideful, by taking matters into our own hands, and putting ourselves first - and pride is a sin of idolatry, isn’t it??
When I got married in ‘98, I did some research into the statistics of divorce for myself (for reasons not necessary to get into) and found that this is surprisingly true. Generally speaking, about half the people who are married now have been or will be divorced - regardless of religious affiliation. Worse, if you come from a family of divorce, your odds are higher. And if I remember right, at least half of all 2nd and 3rd marriages end in divorce, too. It’s a sad statistic. With no real evidence to support it, I’ve always thought it had to do with two things: 1.) The “ME” attitude people have — you know, it’s all about what I want, what I need, what I’m not getting — the “ME” attitude isn’t very compatible with things like “love your neighbor as yourself,” “do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” “love your wives,” and “submit to your husbands.”; and 2.) Our consumer, get-it-now, get-it-fast, “get rid of it when you’re tired of it and get a new one,” mindset. Some people treat marriages like they treat cars. And even if they don’t go that far, a lot of people still get married thinking “if it doesn’t work out, we’ll just get divorced.”
On the other hand, for those (of us) who still view marriage sacredly, God’s commandments as absolute, and God’s providence as all-sufficient, divorce is not “an option,” a “panic-button,” or a “get out of jail free card.” To think so would be to say, “I don’t put God in charge of everything, and I don’t trust Him to meet all my needs.”
on 29 Nov 2006 at 12:23 am 3.Steve said …
This is good, thanks.